Yay! It's Move In Day!!......

My daughter, Mabel, knows something is up. She has started having bad sleep anxiety. For the past couple of weeks I haven't been able to play or do for her like I normally do. Typically, I'm at her beck and call. Lately, I'm having to leave all of the lifting, playing, bathing, putting to bed, to someone else. She's a pretty smart girl, so she's caught on. I keep telling her the reason I cannot do anything for her is because "Mommy's back hurts". I cannot fathom the thought of her resenting the babies before they get here. I don't want her to blame them. Like I've mentioned before, I cannot turn off "mommying" but for the sake of my family, I'm trying to take it easy.

October 9, 2019 - Night before Check-In

We had a beautiful family dinner at my parent's house. I wanted to be able to watch Mabel swim and play with her cousins and be outside as much as possible before I was sequestered to a hospital environment. It was the perfect night. Beautiful weather, delicious food and the kids had a blast! When we got home that night, I'd say my perfect night turned. I had to let Brendan put her to bed because I can't lift her or bathe her. Telling her goodnight and watching her walk up the stairs about killed me. This was the last time I was going to tell her goodnight in person for I don't know how long. I went straight to my room and cried myself to sleep.

October 10, 2019 - Check in Day - Viability Day - 24 Weeks Pregnant!

At 2:30am Mabel woke up yelling "Mommy, Mommy". I figured that she may go back to sleep but then I decided it may be a God thing. A chance to spend as much time with her as I can before I leave. I went upstairs and crawled in bed with her and she snuggled me so sweet and back to sleep we both went. I'm crying just thinking about it.

That morning we did our regular routine, breakfast, pack lunch, get dressed for school. She was being so sweet. As I was finishing putting her shoes on for school, all the emotions started overwhelming me. I know these thoughts are temporary and not infinite, but they all ran through my mind: "This is the last time in, for the twins sakes, I hope months, that I make her breakfast, pack her lunch, fix her hair for school (the best I can), push her on her swing, watch her ride her beloved scooter, kiss her goodbye for school, be home for her to run into my arms after school, etc, etc". I started bawling crying, which I told myself I wouldn't do because I didn't want her to see me upset and I didn't want to upset her. Well, I couldn't control it. She kept asking "What's wrong Mommy? Why you crying Mommy? Your back hurt Mommy?" I lost it. I kissed her a million times, told her I loved her a million times, all while telling her everything was going to be ok. At that point I didn't know if I was going to be ok. I closed the door to the car and collapsed into Brendan. I couldn't compose myself. Truth be told, I'm having a hard time composing myself as I recount the details. I ran inside and left Brendan to deal with the mess I had made of Mabel and I. It took me a bit to pull myself together but I think I just needed to finally accept what was happening. I was leaving, it's the right thing, but that still doesn't mean that it doesn't 100% absolutely suck.

Brendan and I started to make our way to Pensacola at 11:00 so I could spend some quality time with him before it was just hospital visits. We had a delicious lunch and then walked around the grounds of the hospital to figure out what we would be able to do with Mabel when they came to visit. There's actually a great courtyard here and an adorable playground. Luckily, I'll be able to get out and get the sun of my face which will be so nice!

2:00 - Appointment with my MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine/High Risk Doctor)

Started with an in-depth ultrasound. Today we were kind of getting a baseline on both babies to know where we were starting at week 24. They did Fetal Echos, their growth measurements, cord dopplers, heart rates, fluid measurements and a bunch of other scans that I honestly couldn't explain!

My MFM comes in and said everything looks great! His takeaways:

* You have a big baby and a small baby

* Baby A looks great, great fluid (around 6cm), good heart rate, good fetal echo.

* Baby A is measuring in the 95th Percentile and has a good growth curve

* Baby B looks great, good fluid (2.7cm!!!), good heart rate, good fetal echo.

* Baby B is now measuring in the 11th Percentile (up from the 4th, 2 weeks ago!) and a good growth curve

* There's a chance since Baby B is the baby that ruptured that I could reseal. A SMALL <5% chance but a chance. If that happens they'll send me home. I'm not expecting this, but it doesn't hurt to have hope!

* Your babies are now viable!

Ok! That was all great news. NO BAD NEWS! It's time to check in. A few minutes later they led me to my room and my stay began. They temporarily put me in a shared room. (Still waiting on my permanent room so I haven't really settled in or gotten unpacked). My parents and Brendan were there with me to help me acclimate. I received my first steroid shot to help with the babies' lungs and gave labs to make sure everything was good.

We had a delicious dinner ordered in and then after we ate I was exhausted so home everyone went. When everyone left I was happy and felt good. We had just gotten great news about the boys so them leaving me wasn't so daunting......

Around 8:30 they hooked me up to the TOCO monitors. They told me they would monitor me for an hour every 8 hours. This checks the babies heart rates and checks for contractions. Well let's just say Baby B wasn't thrilled about being strapped tight inside my belly. His heart rate was all over the place. Too high, too many decelerations. So they kept me on the monitors for what seemed like forever. They had me laying flat on my back, which anyone that's ever been in their third trimester of pregnancy knows is terribly uncomfortable. Not that these hospital beds help. So at about 2:30am I complained enough to get a break. It felt like my spine was going to snap and that my stomach was going to bust open because they had the monitors secured so tightly in three places on my belly. They let me sleep until 4 then hooked me back up. Finally at 6am, they were happy with the numbers they were getting so I was left alone to sleep, until 7am, when they woke me up to take my vitals.

It's worth mentioning that my nurses thus far, not even 24 hours in have been amazing. So sweet and honestly they were feeling so sorry for me last night. I was a nervous wreck thinking something was wrong and they kept telling me that they couldn't see anything wrong but that everything was just precautionary.

I'm still in my semi private room, waiting to be moved. I have no idea when that will be. I was told possibly today, but I'm honestly not sure. I'm exhausted but from what I'm told I'll be able to sleep tonight as long as I keep being "boring". I'm patiently awaiting the arrival of Brendan and Mabel and know that will turn all of the anxiety from last night into a distant memory.

So I'm here and hopefully until right before Christmas. I'm hopeful that the boys keep growing and that all of our reports are similar to the one we received yesterday. Thanks for following my journey and thank you even more for your thoughts and prayers! They mean everything to my family and I. This may test me more than anything has ever tested me, but I know with God's strength I will get through this.