The Most Beautiful Loop

November 6th, 2019

This rollercoaster has been fast, slow, jerky, boring, exciting, terrifying, depressing, eye-opening, isolating, and many more things, until yesterday, when it became beautiful.

This is the story of the day my two beautiful sons Brendan Allen and Wright Thomas were born.

* I need to back up a bit to my ultrasound Monday to paint this picture a little clearer. On Monday, it was revealed to me that not only was Baby Brendan no longer breech, he was "presenting". This basically means he's the baby closest to my cervix and if labor was imminent he would deliver first. I was told from the beginning that it was a bonus that Baby Wright was the "presenting" baby because he was protecting his little brother from infection and also not signaling to my cervix that there was any distress or reason for labor. So, when I found out Brendan had now taken over Wright's position, I got a little nervous. I spoke to my doctor about it on Tuesday and he said he wasn't worried. My cervix wasn't changing and we should be happy with my condition. Relief!

Wednesday Morning:

I woke up on Wednesday with some mild pressure and discomfort. I told my sweet nurse about it first thing. It was a new sensation and all new symptoms are to be reported. I told her it felt like I was sore from working out and chalked it up to round ligament pain, which is very common in pregnancy, especially with twins. I told her if anything changed I'd let her know. I sat down to have breakfast around 10am. During breakfast I noticed that the constant dull pain had started to be a little more intermittent and more pronounced. Still not in a great deal of pain, but it was new and different, so I go to tell my nurse. She was rounding with the doctors when I get out there and honestly, walking to the nurses station made me feel better so I told the other nurses not to worry about it. Ten minutes later, I'm sitting in my room trying not to get nervous because now the pain is getting worse. I go tell the the other nurses that they need to call her in. She comes in and hooks me up to the monitors to check on babies and to monitor contractions. For the first hour, babies look great and no contractions are showing up. During my first hour, around 11am, one of my best friends, Liz shows up and we chat and catch up while I'm periodically feeling like something isn't right. These pains are low, so low. I knew with my past pregnancy that my contractions started on my sides and wrapped up high. This was nothing like that. Maybe I had an infection? Did infection pain come in waves? I'm not a doctor. Stop self diagnosing.

During the second hour I told my nurse that I was thinking these were definitely contractions, just lower. I was also having a lot of pressure. As she was adjusting my TOCO (contraction monitor), she felt with her hands one of the contractions go across my belly. The monitor finally started picking up some of the contractions. She told me to keep track of them since the monitor wasn't picking them up regularly. Well, my nerves set in because right about when my Aunt and Uncle walked in, my contractions were getting worse and they were lasting for about 30 seconds every 2 minutes. Once she agreed they were contractions, the on-call MFM (high risk doctor) came in and said I needed to be checked. Being checked is when they measure for dilation of your cervix. The resident on call came to check me and yowza that hurt. She said I was 3cm. Cue my nerves to start rattling. They said that I could've been dilated for 3cm for a long time and there's no way of knowing since my contractions really weren't showing up. I, though, knew this was not just some weird pregnancy pain. These babies were trying to come today.

Since I was dilated, they started me on rescue steroids for the sake of the babies' lungs and magnesium to protect their brains and to also slow down my contractions. It slowed them down for about twenty minutes and then they ramped right back up again. Brendan, along with the rest of my family were kept in the loop and everyone was pretty much sitting on go. Although Mom and Dad were on their way!

It was time for Liz to get back to Montgomery so she said her goodbyes and headed out. As soon as the door closed behind her I told my uncle to look up at the monitor and tell me if the contraction monitor was going off. I was really in some pain. Well, Baby Brendan's heart rank tanked, or what they call a deceleration and the nurses were in, in 5 seconds flat. Rolling me on my side, putting me on oxygen, saying God knows what because at this point now I'm a bawling fit and am scared to death. My mom somehow showed up right at that time and all I could say was "call Brendan, call Brendan"! They got his heart rate back down relatively fast and discussed that my contractions plus his lack of fluid were pressing on his cord and causing his heart rate to drop. At this point, they are keeping in touch with the OB on call to see if there's anything else we should do. Due to their being no change on the contraction screen and since the boys both looked good, lets just stay with the current plan.

A few minutes later another one of my Aunt's shows up and my contractions really started ramping up. I'm talking through them, but I am struggling. Brendan shows up not much later, around 4:45 and I am feeling really uncomfortable then. The on call OB comes in and wants to check me based on the pain he hears I'm having. Well, I'm 5cm. He said we're going to deliver these babies today. Here come the sobs from Brendan and I.

Ok, we're doing this. I knew it was happening I just didn't want to admit it. I wasn't ready. The boys aren't ready. 28 weeks is tomorrow! That is our big goal! We can't possibly do this today!

He said that they'd get a room ready but since the boys looked good it wouldn't be emergent so just sit tight until they open a room up. About thirty minutes later I am so uncomfortable I can hardly lay in the bed. I felt something way down low and sent Brendan to get my nurse immediately. She came in and checked me. Her eyes got real big and she said "You're complete". I knew it. I knew I could feel his head waiting to come out. Cue the panic and the chaos. Everything from this point happened so fast and so slow all at the same time. The nurse ran out on the phone calling the OR. I'm shaking like a leaf. Everyone's crying and trying to hold it together at the same time. Someone's yelling at me not to push. They can't get the bed out of the room because all of the cords are stuck. They finally started ripping and yanking and breaking stuff to get me out. My legs are trembling and I'm doing everything in my power to keep this baby in. Every second feels like an hour. We get up to the OR room and as we're about to go in they are looking to gown Brendan and the rest of the team. They can't find hairnets. We're not going in without hairnets. I don't give a $h!+ about a hairnet! This baby is about go come out. At this point I'm ankles locked, shaking, groaning and not sure how much longer I can keep him in.

We finally get in the OR and the doctor asks me if I want to to try vaginally since Baby Brendan's head is essentially ready to come out. YES. I don't want a c-section anyway! They couldn't get the stirrups set in the bed after this. I don't care, I don't need stirrups. Finally, stirrups up, legs convulsing, 3 contractions and 8 pushes later and he's out. Sweet relief. It was like the pain left my body. My contractions eased up a bit as they assessed my next delivery. Well, while Baby Brendan was making such a speedy exit, Baby Wright decided to turn breech. We're gonna give it a go anyway. I pushed for 5 contractions and they said he just wasn't coming down like they'd like and my uterus was swelling and they were afraid it was going to swell around his head while in the birth canal so they were thinking a C-section would be best. Do it. Cut me open. Save the baby. Meanwhile,

the NICU team is working on Baby Brendan and I keep catching glimpses of his little pink head over in the corner.

They started to tell me they were going to put me under and told Brendan he'd have to leave. Well, again, since Baby Wright is doing fine, this isn't emergent, would you rather just have a block? Yes, I'd much prefer to be awake. They finally got the spinal block set during some of my worst contractions and again, sweet relief. Brendan was ushered back in and moments later they were back to work. I felt absolutely nothing. A few tugs and shakes but honestly I was so happy not to be feeling contractions I didn't care. It took them a bit to get Wright out, his head and arms were wedged way up high. They pulled him out and took him to his NICU bin. Then they got to work on me. It was cleaning, flushing, tugging and so many other strange sensations. During the middle of them finishing me up, they told Brendan he would go with Wright and meet both babies in the NICU. I was so glad he was going to be with them. A tad jealous, but wanted one of us to be with them!

They finally finished me up and rolled me out to recovery. What a ride! Is this a dream? I feel like I'm part of a Grey's Anatomy episode. The speed, adrenaline, emotions. All there! I'm desperate to see those boys but they tell me I cannot until 6 hours post delivery. Luckily, I could send everyone else to go in and see them and hear their details about the boys and see their pictures. They told me all of their intricacies and I told them our birth story. It was a lot of tears and emotions. In the back of my mind, I still could not believe it. This cannot be real. This did not happen today. Where did my stomach go? Where are my babies?

As I write this, I still CANNOT believe it. It took me finally waiting until 1:05am after pumping and recovering to go see the boys and actually make this crazy day into a reality.

How beautiful they were. They weren't near as small as I thought they would be. Still very tiny but maybe not as puny. They were perfect and from what I was told handling life outside pretty well. Baby Brendan had already ripped his intubation tube off and was breathing on his own with a CPAP. I got to hear him cry! What a beautiful sound! Baby Wright looked full term compared to Brendan. He was opening his eyes. Amazing. Never have I ever been so proud and so shocked at the same time in all of my life. It's amazing how fast you can develop such a strong bond with something you can't even hold. THANK YOU GOD. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Every beautiful and perfect gift comes from you and you have given me three! A red head, a brunette and a blondie!

So here are their stats:

Baby Brendan

Born Naturally at 6:10pm

Weighing 2 Pounds 4.7 Oz

Blonde Hair

Baby Wright

Born Via C-Section at 7:05pm

Weighing 3 Pounds 3 Oz

Dark Brown Hair

We've been up to see them a few times today and all reports are good! They keep telling us that for their gestations they are doing great! So amazing!

My feet still aren't on the ground and my head is still in the clouds but I am recovering well. Walking around just fine and not in much pain at all. I will try and keep everyone updated!

I again cannot thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers! We are still going to need them as this is going to be a long NICU road, but so far so good! God has got this and I know he's protecting my family! If you have time today, set out a minute to thank God for me! We are so so blessed!

Here are some pictures of the boys and of Mabel's first time meeting them :)