Please let there be something wrong..

It’s a weird thing to want something to be wrong with you.  Who would wish for their doctor to tell them that they have a condition?  Me.  Why?  If he could give me a diagnosis then there undoubtedly would be a solution!  There would be a cause for all of this misery.  I could use an excuse for why I was experiencing miscarriage after miscarriage.  If it was a polyp we could remove it, if my progesterone was low, we could supplement it, if the lining of my uterus was too thin we could try to fix that too!  The only problem was, after all the testing: the blood draws, the biopsies, the ultrasounds, the hysteroscopy.. There was nothing.  Not one glaring issue. Not even a combination of small issues.  Plus my husband’s sperm was perfect.  So they diagnosed me with Unexplained Secondary Infertility/ Unexplained Multiple Recurrent Loss.  Basically meaning, we have no explanation for why you keep miscarrying.  It’s just bad luck.  BAD LUCK?! 7 miscarriages isn’t just bad luck it’s like living a nightmare.

Here is what my first couple of months at my infertilityclinic looked like.  (Disclaimer, I LOVE my clinic I just had a really hard time with the diagnosis).