Happy Halloween! 27 Weeks!

I am writing this during my 2:00 monitoring session. Boys are looking good! Heart rates are holding in the 150s! I've got about another 30 minutes on the monitors before it's time to leave my room for the rest of the day! It's been raining for the past few days so I've been sequestered to my room for what feels like forever, BUT it's cool outside now and the rain has passed. Looks like its going to make for a wonderful, chilly Halloween night!

I bought this shirt before I was admitted to the hospital so although sometimes it feels like the boys are trying to get out, lets let them grow for a few more weeks! Threw in a picture of Mabel before her Halloween party at school today, because why not? She's so cute!

I've now moved outside to continue this post and my goodness it feels good! The nurses said I'd be too cold, but umm hormones. I feel refreshed! Today has been a good day. So much better than yesterday. I think I had my first "break" yesterday. I'm not even sure why. Again, I'm going to blame hormones. I think the walls may have closed in a bit yesterday, too. Yesterday was 21 days in. I wanted to go home. I wanted to go carve pumpkins with my little girl. I wanted to go about my day in a normal way. Much to my dismay, on top of wanting all of those things, Baby Brendan decided he was going to have tachycardia for most of the day. So even though I was trying to be proactive and start my monitoring early so that I could carve pumpkins at the hospital with Mabel, he had other plans. I was put on the monitors at 1:00 and I stayed on them until 3:30. Mabel showed up at 2:00 and I was destroyed that I couldn't get out of bed. I cried and cried and cried. They had me hooked up to fluids and I really didn't want her to see me that way but she took it in stride. My nurse finally made a deal with my doctor and they let me out of bed with the understanding that I would go back on the monitors after my family left. When I say family, I mean my whole family. Brendan, Mabel, my parents, my in-laws, my brother, sister-in-law and my nephews. They were all there. I was so happy they were all there. I was so sad that I was in such a pitiful state of affairs. I really could not stop crying. I didn't even know why I was crying most of the time. All I kept saying was "I hate this" and "This sucks". So juvenile, but it was honestly how I felt. I finally was able to enjoy the little time I had with them, although I felt robbed of the experience to carve pumpkins and just spend time with my family. I keep telling myself, there's always next year.

I spent a lot of time with God after everyone left yesterday. I dove into my bible and my devotions. The title of my devotion was "My Soul Thirsts for You". How true that was yesterday. I needed some clarity in my vulnerable state. I needed Him.

From my devotion:

"God alone is the One who lets our hurts possess his heart"

I'm so blessed that by the time my nightly monitoring was over I had spent quality time with Him and felt a bit refreshed. Plus, I was able to watch my husband's baseball team WIN the World Series! The day made a huge turn around! Go Nats!

Fast forward to today. I woke up crying, but they were happy tears. I read an amazing post from my husband that just brought warmth over me. Everything is going to be ok! #stayinthefight #finishthefight. That is what I am here to do!

The boys have been behaving today and we had a good ultrasound! Everyone is practicing their breaths and growing! Baby Brendan is still trending small but he's up from the 4th%, 6 weeks ago, to the 11th%, 3 weeks ago to the 15th% today! He's still tiny but he's growing! Oh, and they both have adequate fluid today! Still leaking, but he's maintaining which is what we want! Here are their stats and pics from today's ultrasound:

Baby Brendan, Baby Wright with Baby Brendan's booty in his face and their stats. :)

As today marks 27 weeks, we have one week to go until our next big milestone! I keep being told that making it to 28 weeks is a huge deal, so I'm praying that we make it! If only we can make it seven more weeks to 34 weeks! What a blessing that would be. I think we can do it! On that note, I was told by my doctor that pretty much no matter what, (unless I'm the small percent that reseals, but since I haven't yet it doesn't seem likely) I will not be pregnant anymore after December 19th. I'll be home for Christmas!!! It's bittersweet because I know the boys will probably still be in the NICU but at least I will be able to wake up with my first baby on Christmas morning, then quickly drive back to Pensacola to be with the boys. It is also good for me to mentally know that one way or the other, if they come early or I have to be induced, the boys will be here no later than December 19th. I like a deadline!

As I finish this post, the sun is coming out and all I can wish for is to be sitting at home around the fire roasting s'mores with my family. There will still be time for that when I get out of here. I know they're ok. Actually, I imagine they are scurrying around getting ready for our annual Halloween party! I am so happy they are keeping that tradition going! I cannot wait to see pictures!

To tie this post up, I will admit, it's getting harder, but I'm surviving. I have less than 50 days to go and I know with all of you and God beside me I can do it! Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support!

From today's Devotion:

God says: "I know what I'm doing. I know that there are answers that don't seem to be coming yet, but I want you to stay with Me and not get ahead of yourself. Don't try to do this on your own. Don't take this out of My hands. Allow Me to be in charge of this process. I know how this works out. Rely on My wisdom. Trust my heart. Wait for Me to show you what to do next, even if the timing doesn't make sense to you and even if you can't see how I'm going to do it. I have good plans for you". (From Truth Unchanging)

AMEN!