Everyone Gets Their Turn...

Sometimes I feel like I'm living two or three different lives. Most of the time, I wonder which life I'm in and what I'm actually supposed to be doing. I guess these "lives" I'm living would better be described as "roles". I'm not sure which "role" I should be in most of the time. From "Daughter", to "Wife", to "Mabel's Mom", "Brendan's Mom", "Wright's Mom", "NICU Mom", "Daughter-in-Law", "Friend", "Sister", and probably some I cannot even think of. I keep trying to prioritize my roles and typically feel that I don't have my priorities straight. I want to be as "perfect" as I can in all of these roles, but I know based on my lack of sleep and general brain fog that isn't currently possible. So again, priorities. This tends to leave some people behind or "forgotten". None of it's malicious, it's just all I can fit into my brain in a given day.

My children are without a doubt my first priority. They all tend to get jealous of one another and act out accordingly. When one is sick, or acting up the other two tend to fly under the radar for just long enough and then roar up in jealousy. Of course I'm being sarcastic. There's no way really for any of them to know, well maybe my fiery almost three year old does, but lately they've all been giving me multiple anxiety episodes a day.

We'll start with Brendan. I believe at my last update he was doing really well. He was growing rapidly and loving eating! Well, all that food has to go somewhere, and it wasn't going anywhere. He was backed up on a couple days of food and his food was turning into a concrete like mixture in his intestines. He started acting really pitiful and became what I would call quite sick. I went in to see him and he was gray. I already knew he had experienced a tough night. The doctor confirmed he wasn't happy with the way he looked. They took him off of feeds and increased his respiratory support. The surgeon came by to see him and suggested a saline enema. They pushed the enema around lunch and told us to wait. Brendan's afternoon didn't get any better and he just kept getting worse. They finally changed his breathing machine and increased support more to make him more comfortable and that seemed to do the trick.

Later that night I was taking Mabel to her first movie in theaters, Frozen 2, when of course as soon as the movie starts the NICU calls. I was terrified. I feel like they never call past 4 unless it's an issue. Our sweet nurse said "I have an update, he pooped"! She went on to tell me she went around showing everyone and said she almost cried. Never did I ever think I would be sitting in a movie theater, watching Frozen 2, crying over the fact that my son had pooped. Then again, I never thought I'd be in this situation. So I can honestly say, I'm not THAT surprised!

Since he's started stooling, he's been feeling so much better. The doctors just rounded and said he can eat again! As I type this, he's having his first feed in 48 hours. Grow buddy, grow!

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Baby Wright is being a little rock star. Now, he has his moments where he too, likes to scare me to death. He was off of his CPAP for a while, almost a week and then started having apnea episodes way too frequently. I was in here when he had his worst day with them and seeing him turn purple a few times in a short amount of time was too much for this momma's heart. Since then, he's been back on his CPAP, still breathing room air, but it has a light flow to remind him to breathe. Outside of that, he's doing great! He's growing like a weed and "cueing" to eat. I've learned that "cueing" is when the babies signal to us that they are ready to eat. So, the nurses won't introduce a bottle or allow us to try breast feeding until they signal they are ready. He loves a paci and gets cranky if they are late to feed him! He was born at 1460 grams and is 1630 grams now! He's technically considered "Level 2" and they keep hinting that he could move upstairs and "graduate". I'm so glad he's doing so well, but I'm not sure I'm ready for them to be on different floors.... having them in connecting rooms is so nice right now!

He was supposed to have his head ultrasound today to check up on his brain bleed, but it wasn't ordered, so they are going to run that test on Friday. That is his only concern for now but the doctor told me he's not worried about that at all! Keep it up, sweet boy!

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Mabel is so in love with her little brothers! She tells me all the time "when they bigger, I hold them"! My protective brain isn't quite ready for her to hold them, but my heart is so ready for that sweet moment. She's been doing so well and handling this all with such grace! I know God has his hand in helping her and I adjust. Moving her back and forth from Destin to Pensacola can't be super easy on her. Again, I'm so impressed with how she's coping!

Although, last night, she decided to give us quite the scare... She woke up with a fever so that meant no NICU visit for her or I. I was upset for her for being sick and for me because I wanted us to be able to go visit the boys before we ventured to Destin for her Christmas card pictures. I figured with her runny nose and fever she had contracted one of the many "common colds" going around. She managed to do well, I'm not going to say excellent, despite no nap and refusing lunch. Although I know the photographer took some amazing shots from what she showed me! She slept the whole way back to Pensacola and laid down the whole time we were at dinner with Brendan's parents. We took her home and I left her with Brendan to do nap time so I could come see the boys before the day was over. After a few snuggles, I headed back home to find Brendan still awake to tell me that Mabel had just thrown up. I took her temperature and it was 103.5. Somehow Brendan and I's wires got crossed but I was under the impression that she had experienced a febrile seizure so I was in a rush to get to the hospital.

After being admitted and some more OTC meds, we are told she has croup. Ugh. It's so contagious. It's the holidays. Thanksgiving is Thursday, well Friday for my family. She's pitiful. It's midnight. I'm exhausted. I cannot believe that I have three of my babies admitted in the same hospital. I'm angry. This has to be some kind of sick joke.

After us going round and round with the nurse that this child is NOT going to take the steroid orally, whether you put in straight sugar or tell her Mickey Mouse made it, they finally give her a shot, and send us home.

She's feeling a little better today, still pitiful but we're keeping her on rounds of Tylenol and Motrin. Hoping for her to go 48 hours without a fever so we can try and attend Thanksgiving! Fingers crossed for my oldest baby!

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My children are all getting their turn in the spotlight. As for everyone else in my life, well, I'm trying. I want to be available for everyone. I miss so many people!

I'm not sure what "normal" is anymore but I'm ready to get there. I miss home. I crave a routine. I know that a routine is not really possible with a newborn, especially newborn twins, but I'm craving a little bit of consistency because as for now my life is greatly lacking in that.

As for today, I will be thankful. It is the season for that, right? I am thankful that I have three beautiful children. Although they are not all 100% healthy right now, they are all doing well! Two of them are defying the odds and my little girl is resilient! I am thankful for my husband as he has taken on so much for us. I am thankful for my family, for being so understanding in this messy season of life. I am thankful for my friends for being so supportive. For my nurses for being true angels to these babies. For my doctors for doing everything they can for my children. Thankful for my prayer warriors! I don't know where we'd be without you! Last but certainly not least I am thankful to God. The list of reasons why is long, but overall, for this beautiful, crazy life! I have so much to be thankful for and that's what I need to focus on!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Baby Brendan

Baby Wright

HAPPY THREE WEEKS SWEET BOYS!

Psalm 118: 23-25

23 This is the Lord’s doing;

it is marvelous in our eyes.

24 This is the day that the Lord has made;

let us rejoice and be glad in it.

25 Save us, we pray, O Lord!

O Lord, we pray, give us success!